In Depth: My Life With the PS Gang

In Depth: My Life With the PS Gang

PS Gang member EeeTee Stabber

As many of you have already learned, Minneapolis Mayor Betsy Hodges is a shotcaller in a Northside street gang.  I knew this long ago, as I had been investigating this gang deep undercover.  The heat got too much after KSTP's Jay Kolls dropped his story, so I decided to get out.  However, I learned much during my time with the PS Gang, and it's time their story is told as a cautionary tale.

The PS Gang may be the only street gang in America that is run by and consists primarily of women.  It has its roots in the Minnesota Correctional Facility in Shakopee, the only women's prison in Minnesota.  The Pointer Sisters were formed by June and Bonnie Pointer, wanting to unite a fractured group of women who had been exploited by their previous gangs.  Wanting a symbol that was ubiquitous but meaningful, they developed their now infamous "Gangsta Point."

Pointer Sisters recruiting member with the "Gangsta Point"

After getting out, these women did not want to rejoin their previous gangs in which they were commonly beaten and raped, so the Pointer Sisters founded what would be known as the PS Gang, or the Posse.

After seeing a few years of quick growth, men were allowed to join the gang, though the gang would always be matriarchal in practice.

The first male member, Bo-Ty Sikopath

In 2012, wanting to get a deeper look at the gang, I began making myself familiar to local members, slowly earning their trust.  I was asked to do horrible things to prove my loyalty, but it was all worth it for the story.  The story always comes first, before personal safety, ethics, or the truth.

My gangsta selfie

After about a year, I was accepted on a probationary status, during which period I began to really understand the hidden workings of the gang:

A Gangsta Point implement used at sporting events

• There is another version of the Gangsta Point used in more public settings.  Simply tuck the thumb in and point upwards, sending the message "We're" number one.  In Murder."

Young male gangster Screamface Killa

• The age of members continually gets younger.  Currently, members are as young as 4, and often as young as 6.

PS Gang tag

• Graffiti is used to mark turf and claim territory held by other gangs.  Sometimes arrows are used in lieu of pointing.

Shot caller MayMay Betsy

• As is now public knowledge, Minneapolis Mayor Betsy Hodges is a PS Gang shotcaller.

When questioned about the news of her gang affiliation, Mayor Hodges said, "Talking head gonna put you on your deathbed.  Just cause you got a gat, that's just why you acting brave.  Got a gat I got a glock, whatcha gonna do?  Handle your business, don't let your business handle you."

Truer words never spoken.

BREAKING: FOXNEWS Calls Elections Results for 2016

BREAKING: FOXNEWS Calls Elections Results for 2016

WASHINGTON, D.C.-525,994 minutes before polls close on the East Coat for the 2016 Presidential Election, FOXNEWS has declared Jeb Bush to be the next president.  "Let's get one thing straight right from the get-go: We would rather be first in reporting returns than be right," said host Bill O'Reilly.  "If we say somebody's carried the state, you can take that to the bank, unless we find out a half hour later that we guessed wrong."

Minutes later, CNN, Associated Press, MSNBC, and CBS published the results, citing the original announcement as a source.  "These models, based on sampling precincts, have served us well through all elections," said CBS reporter Jeff Glor.

As of this writing, 0.000000001% precincts have reported.

6 Reasons Minneapolis Needs a Burrito Pipeline

6 Reasons Minneapolis Needs a Burrito Pipeline

A Galveston County Burrito Serviceworker attending the burrito tubes

1. There are still restaurants in Minneapolis that don't have burritos on the menu

Customers at Rainbow Chinese have no access to fresh burritos

While having access to fresh potable burritos is indicative of living in a developed country, there are still areas in Minneapolis in which restaurants do not offer them.  Lack of access to clean burritos kills children at a rate equivalent of a jumbo jet crashing every hour.  A Burrito Pipeline would contribute to a burrito-sustainable society and reduce child mortality to zero.

2. A Burrito Pipeline would stabilize the economy

Workers at the Prague Burrito Foundry

With growing unemployment and people who have given up finding work, the absence of a Burrito Pipeline industry is criminal.  The establishment of Burrito Pipeline infrastructure would create upwards of 82 thousand jobs, including Tortilla Technicians, Salsa Engineers, Chorizo Account Managers, Comptrollers, and Cheese Analysts.  The flood of businesses that follow the burrito flow will put Minneapolis on the map and make it a tourist destination by 2020.

3. Burritos have not been linked to Ebola

A neonatal burrito clinic in Portland, Maine

If you are against a state-of-the-art Burrito Pipeline, you are literally spreading Ebola.

4. The world will be united through burritos

Pyongyang's Glorious Korean General Burrito Line

Think about it.  Why expend resources on costly, deadly, bothersome wars when you have burritos?  The bloody Mexican Revolution ended in 1920 after the invention of the burrito by Juan Méndez' donkey, and there has been zero bloodshed in Mexico since.  The peace mongering effects of burritos have been realized by the United Nations by the creation of the International Burrito Fund (IBF).  We can all agree that burritos create a better humanity.  A Burrito Pipeline would be a peace pipe.

5. Burrito make you strong like bull

Bro, do you even lift?

Lol bro, I'm a Certified Burrito Expert, have abs at 6'4" 240 lbs, worked as a bouncer, and I bench somewhere around 420 lbs.  I grew up on base and boxed since I was 8.  I've got the quickest hands I've ever seen in person from a non professional fighter, especially at my weight.  If my gf wants to talk chit I'll let her do it to a point before pulling her away.  If some guy gets in her face?  I'm either gonna do the responsible thing and get the bouncer or pick him up and slam his phucking neck into the concrete.

6. Burritos are love, burritos are life

A Wichita, Kansas couple before their burrito-themed wedding

Burritos are key to a healthy marriage.  Tell your spouse what is going in the burrito and, as a spouse, know when to simply eat your burrito.  Learning to really enjoy burritos with your partner is a skill that may require practice . There are many resources available like books, marriage education workshops, and online courses.  All these options can help couples learn how to eat burritos more effectively.  A Burrito Pipeline would be a valuable resource to families all over.