6 Reasons Minneapolis Needs a Burrito Pipeline

6 Reasons Minneapolis Needs a Burrito Pipeline

A Galveston County Burrito Serviceworker attending the burrito tubes

1. There are still restaurants in Minneapolis that don't have burritos on the menu

Customers at Rainbow Chinese have no access to fresh burritos

While having access to fresh potable burritos is indicative of living in a developed country, there are still areas in Minneapolis in which restaurants do not offer them.  Lack of access to clean burritos kills children at a rate equivalent of a jumbo jet crashing every hour.  A Burrito Pipeline would contribute to a burrito-sustainable society and reduce child mortality to zero.

2. A Burrito Pipeline would stabilize the economy

Workers at the Prague Burrito Foundry

With growing unemployment and people who have given up finding work, the absence of a Burrito Pipeline industry is criminal.  The establishment of Burrito Pipeline infrastructure would create upwards of 82 thousand jobs, including Tortilla Technicians, Salsa Engineers, Chorizo Account Managers, Comptrollers, and Cheese Analysts.  The flood of businesses that follow the burrito flow will put Minneapolis on the map and make it a tourist destination by 2020.

3. Burritos have not been linked to Ebola

A neonatal burrito clinic in Portland, Maine

If you are against a state-of-the-art Burrito Pipeline, you are literally spreading Ebola.

4. The world will be united through burritos

Pyongyang's Glorious Korean General Burrito Line

Think about it.  Why expend resources on costly, deadly, bothersome wars when you have burritos?  The bloody Mexican Revolution ended in 1920 after the invention of the burrito by Juan Méndez' donkey, and there has been zero bloodshed in Mexico since.  The peace mongering effects of burritos have been realized by the United Nations by the creation of the International Burrito Fund (IBF).  We can all agree that burritos create a better humanity.  A Burrito Pipeline would be a peace pipe.

5. Burrito make you strong like bull

Bro, do you even lift?

Lol bro, I'm a Certified Burrito Expert, have abs at 6'4" 240 lbs, worked as a bouncer, and I bench somewhere around 420 lbs.  I grew up on base and boxed since I was 8.  I've got the quickest hands I've ever seen in person from a non professional fighter, especially at my weight.  If my gf wants to talk chit I'll let her do it to a point before pulling her away.  If some guy gets in her face?  I'm either gonna do the responsible thing and get the bouncer or pick him up and slam his phucking neck into the concrete.

6. Burritos are love, burritos are life

A Wichita, Kansas couple before their burrito-themed wedding

Burritos are key to a healthy marriage.  Tell your spouse what is going in the burrito and, as a spouse, know when to simply eat your burrito.  Learning to really enjoy burritos with your partner is a skill that may require practice . There are many resources available like books, marriage education workshops, and online courses.  All these options can help couples learn how to eat burritos more effectively.  A Burrito Pipeline would be a valuable resource to families all over.